WARNING: Character Death!

Notes: I was in a very sentimental mood when I sat down to type this; the story insisted on being told…it’s not betaed, so please bear with me.

Disclaimer: The characters belong to ALW, TSE and the RUG. I don’t intend any copyright infringement by my use of them. Morgan and Deirdre, however, belong to me and must not be used without my permission (triskell@xpoint.at )

LOVE STORY
© Triskell, November 2000

It was a simple enough job. All they had to do was to break into an old house, get a bunch of cat food and run. There was a back entrance, very conveniently situated in a dark side street, where hardly anyone was ever seen.

“I’ll keep watch, ya open the door and go in.” Rumpleteazer whispered to her partner and he nodded, moving like a shadow towards his goal.

Being an expert burglar it didn’t take him long to pick the lock and he was inside within minutes. Creeping through the kitchen, looking about for the cat food, he heard a loud screeching noise that hurt his sensitive ears. A sudden dread flooded him and he bounded out of the house…

“Teazer!”

She lay motionless in the middle of the street, black marks of tyres around her, and a huge lorry was disappearing around the street corner. Mungojerrie knew what had happened the instant he saw her and his heart skipped a beat.

“Please, no!” he whispered to no one and to everyone, slipping to her side, cradling her head in his lap, tears welling up from somewhere deep inside him.

She was so young still and there was so much yet in front of her; she opened her eyes, slowly and a shadow of her impish grin appeared on her features.

“I…Teazer…ya mustn’t…” he stammered, unsure of how to tell her, just knowing he had to. She only looked at him out of huge dark eyes and her voice was softer than a gasp when she said,

“Remember, always…”

He nodded, mumbled something, sobbing quietly, holding her close, reluctant to let her go while the light slipped away from her eyes and her smile faded slowly, with each breath.

He didn’t know how long he sat there, only that the shadows in the alley were lengthening and darkening and that the breeze was chillier. But it all passed across him as if totally insubstantial. He wanted to lie there with her, not feeling the pain that tore him apart from the inside, the blood that was palpable with every beat of his heart as a feverish rush through his veins.

“I’m too late.” A breathless voice said.

Mungojerrie looked up, straight at Quaxo whose features were barely visible but whose eyes showed sympathy and understanding.

“Ya sensed it.” It was a statement, resigned and hollow.

“We’ll bring her back to the junkyard and…”

“NO!” the vehemence startled even him. “I’ll take care o’ ‘er.”

Quaxo nodded, hesitantly. “Shall I tell the others?”

Mungojerrie stared ahead for a moment, blind to anything but his pain. Finally his gaze travelled across his partner’s still form and he sighed. “Do. I willna talk about it ever again.”

The other tom laid his paw on his shoulder for a moment, and, looking at Rumpleteazer bowed his head to her silently, a mute acknowledgement of her even in death.

~*~

Mungojerrie had never before felt so weary. If not for his having promised to remember Teazer he’d have lain down someplace and let his body waste away. As it was, he had buried her in the dark of the night in a park near a lake.

His paws were bloody and his fur streaked with dirt and tears but he couldn’t have cared less. The moment he stepped into the junkyard his heart fell. How was he to meet the others now?

But it turned out that Quaxo had guessed his reluctance to lay out his grief for all to see and no one approached him in the following days. Sometimes he found bits of fish or meat in front of his home in the morning, toys or rugs.

He knew who they came from and he was strangely comforted by the thought that there were some cats who didn’t forget him even as he drew tighter into himself. The junkyard seemed devoid of life without the laughter that had emanated from Teazer and the mischievous twinkle in her eyes could not be rivalled by the brightest stars.

Mungojerrie watched kittens being born, silently acknowledging the official announcement of Bombalurina’s and Tugger’s mating. Teazer would have had a laughing fit he well knew – those two would probably be at each other’s throats constantly. Yet the calico tom envied their courage to speak of their feelings.

He had never dared do it and now it was too late. And as the years passed he drew farther into himself, remembering her, always.

~*~

„What do you want to hear?“ the red tabby asked a silent black cat with huge green eyes.

“The truth.”

“I can’t commit to you, I’m too young!”

“I love you, I want you to be my mate!”

“It’s too soon, Morgan.”

”You said you loved me.” The green eyes were pleading. Averting her own, the queen reached out her paw as if to touch him, drawing it back almost immediately.

“There’s so much out there, I can’t…” she turned around and left her companion standing alone in the middle of the junkyard.

He sighed softly, shaking his head, walking towards an old pipe that he had made his home. He remembered his father telling him of how he had watched his mother dancing at her first Jellicle Ball, many years ago.

Why couldn’t Deirdre admit to loving him? He had heard that it was her father’s spirit that made her such a flirt. He looked up at the huge round of the full moon as he curled up on an old blanket. He might not be the most desirable tom around, but he knew that his love for her was true and that it would last.

He fell asleep still musing on the subject, unaware of a pair of dark eyes watching him intently in the night, dark eyes that were filled with tears, commiserating and understanding.

~*~

It was a cold, clear autumn morning and the air was fresh as Deirdre made her way slowly through the junkyard towards the assembly her uncle had called. It was the day of the Jellicle Ball and traditionally there would be many stories told by the cats who were designated to be chosen for a journey to the Heaviside Layer.

She passed a lean old tom on her way, one of those whose name she couldn’t recollect. She had known him all her life but he never spoke and there was a deep sadness surrounding him and even his eyes seemed dim and yearning for something she couldn’t have named.

“Jellicle Cats meet once a year and tonight we’ll make the Jellicle choice.” Munkustrap, the leader of the tribe intoned, his voice ringing clear despite the age that already burdened his shoulders.

At his side stood his mate of many years, smiling at him now and then. Deirdre had never quite understood how the two of them managed without as much as a harsh word. Her own parents were passionate, their arguments often taking on angry accusations and ending in sulking and silences that stretched themselves for days.

Morgan sidled up to her side, and Deirdre silently inclined her head, acknowledging his presence. He didn’t look at her, simply sat beside her, pondering. Their friendship was strong and though it was hard to admit it, even to herself, Deirdre felt a tenderness that went beyond it, a feeling of connection she was loath even to call by its name.

Her parents loved each other as well – and they hurt each other, day after day. Not being able to live without and most certainly not with each other. She didn’t want it to end this way, she didn’t want to take the chance of losing Morgan over a bad decision. Better never to be his mate than to lose what they shared right now…

“Before we start our introductions this year, an old friend has made a request to speak. Mungojerrie.” Munkustrap said, bowing deeply to the cat Deirdre had passed just moments ago.

The calico climbed onto the tyre and sat on the spot the grey tabby had vacated for him, his movements swift and graceful, easy and elegant, as if he were an acrobat or dancer balancing on an invisible wire.

Never had Deirdre supposed him capable of this, his appearance and his manners seemed to indicate the total opposite of this fluidity, a heaviness and resignation that was palpable in his looks.

“I thank ya, old friend,” Mungojerrie said, indicating Munkustrap, in a warm, pleasant voice sharply accented, “I’d like ta share somethin’ with ya young ones, one thin’ to leave behind when I go.”

Every eye was fixed on him, for there was something commanding their attention in the tone of his words. Morgan sat up straighter. “I can’t remember ever hearing him speak before!” Deirdre nodded her head. “Neither do I.”

“Most o’ ya won’t remember ‘er; it ‘as been a few years since she passed. ‘er name was Rumpleteazer and she was the love o’ me life.”

If not for the slight hitch to his voice, the emotion might have escaped his audience, for he seemed totally composed, as if long resigned to the pain. Morgan’s mother stiffened almost imperceptibly and snuggled closer to her mate; and even Bombalurina and Tugger, never agreeing on a single thing, huddled together. Deirdre noticed it and wondered.

“I made a mistake. I loved Teazer, more than anythin’ else and I never told ‘er.”

Deirdre cast a sideward glance at Morgan, seeing his eyes fixed on Mungojerrie with rapt attention. Somehow she couldn’t help feeling singled out and when she looked at the old cat again, the dark eyes bored into hers; and she realized that he was telling her, pleading with her for Morgan’s sake…

“The old ones know ‘ow close we were. We were friends and siblings and we ‘ad our wild days. We laughed and we played pranks on everyone. We were together, always and I could ‘ave said it, only once, just ta ‘ave her know. I never did.”

Mungojerrie paused, passing his paw in front of his eyes in a very human gesture, yet there were still a few tears visible in his fur as he continued.

“I never realized I couldna live without Teazer, not until she was gone. I would ‘ave ended it, ‘ad she not told me to go on.”

Looking around at the other cats he added, by way of explanation, “Car ran her over. I wasna with ‘er, we ‘ad separated, we were doin’ a job and I only ‘eard the tyres screechin’ and I knew somethin’ was terribly wrong and then I ran out and she was there…”

A strangled sob escaped his throat, raw and deep, as if his heart were torn out. “Oh no.” Morgan whispered and Deirdre saw the pain in his eyes, saw the tear that slipped down his cheek and it cut through her. He knew what Mungojerrie was talking about, he felt it, could sympathize.

Averting her eyes quickly lest her guard should slip at seeing him so vulnerable, Deirdre let her gaze wander across the other cats. It didn’t surprise her to see Munkustrap and Demeter cuddled close together, comforting each other, no doubt relieving moments of their lives that had made it possible for them to understand the depth of the calico tom’s emotion.

“She was lyin’ in ‘er blood and I ran to ‘er and wanted to say somethin’ but I couldna get a word out; I ‘urt for ‘er and with ‘er and it was as if she was a part o' me than, ‘er eyes forever burned into me mind.”

Another pause followed, stretching into a palpable silence that crept across the junkyard like a shroud, drowning out even the sounds of the cars in the distance. Nothing moved, even the birds were quiet, in silent remembrance of a life too early taken from amongst them.

“She looked at me, she was still alive, ya know and…” he made a helpless gesture and looked at the assembly beseechingly.

“I was sobbin’, never ‘ave cried like that before and never after. And I still couldna tell ‘er. ‘er eyes were closin’ and I saw we didna ‘ave long and I was mumblin’ and tellin’ ‘er not ta leave me and she was smilin’…”

Another gaze at the cats in front of him, tears falling freely now as he fixed his dark eyes on Deirdre, as if willing her to comprehend.

“She said ‘always’ ta me and ‘remember’. ‘er voice was soft and still I ‘eard it louder as if she ‘ad screamed it. I’ve never been serious in me life, not like that when I told ‘er I’d keep ‘er safe in me heart. It was as close to sayin’ ‘I love ya’ as I’ve ever come. I’ll never know if she understood…she was fadin’ in front of me and I just ‘eld ‘er close till it was over.”

A muffled sob came from Deirdre’s right and she looked up, only to see her mother shaking, her paw in front of her mouth, clinging to Tugger as if for dear life. Mungojerrie noticed it for he gazed at them for a moment, his eyes sad.

“Aye, ya never knew, did ya? Cause I never said a thin’, it wasna necessary. I wanted ta die, ta end the pain, but I ‘ad given me promise to Teazer, that I would remember ‘er. That’s why I’m still ‘ere. I feel ‘er sometimes, when the night winds whisper; and sometimes in the distance there’s a sound like ‘er laughter and I wake up and call ‘er, reach out for ‘er…but she’s never there.”

Shaking his head silently, Mungojerrie brushed his paw across his face again, trying hard to keep his emotions in check. One more thing to say and it would be over, one more word of advice to those young cats who couldn’t make up their minds and he had done his due, in memory of his love.

“I’m tellin’ ya today cause I think that no matter what ya mustn’t be afraid ta love and ta show it. I’ve always envied ya yer loves – I would ‘ave given all these years in exchange for one more smile from Teazer, a smile in response ta me tellin’ ‘er. And if she ‘ad laughed at me, it wouldna ‘ave mattered…”

Resting his gaze on Tugger and Bombalurina again, something sparkled in his eyes, a hint of mischief creeping into his tone as he said, “Even ya two ‘ave come together; no one ever thought ya’d get past all the bickerin’ – and there ya are and ya still quarrel, but ya’ve ‘ad a chance and I just wish…”

Mungojerrie shook his head, he couldn’t go on. It hurt to see mates who were fighting over little things, unsubstantial nothings that he would have gladly shared with Teazer. He swayed slightly as he got to his feet, only intent on leaving the spotlight now.

It had hurt to speak of the memories that haunted him, that were so fresh in his mind, it hurt even more now that he remembered Teazer’s eyes so clearly, alive with laughter and mischief, a part of him and yet so very, very far away. And once again he wanted to end it, to be relieved of his grief, to finally rest from a life that was bleak and lonely without her.

Deirdre looked up suddenly as a flash of black passed her by and she saw Morgan at the tyre, helping Mungojerrie down, lending his support to the elder tom. The other cats parted respectfully as the calico passed through their midst, murmuring among themselves and slowly scattering. Everyone sought out their mate to nuzzle up to, to share a warmth that seemed to have gone from Mungojerrie’s eyes long ago and had only been rekindled by his memories.

Deirdre, however, followed the two toms at a respectful distance and only came closer when they had stopped at the old oven that the calico had made his home. He turned around, nodding to her and she inclined her head.

“Did ya like the story, Deirdre?”

She was surprised he knew her name, but she simply answered, “Yes.”

Morgan had dragged a faded red rug towards the elder cat and pulled it across the prone form. His head resting on his front paws, Mungojerrie suddenly looked very frail and even older than he was.

“Don’t ya make the same mistake, kits, love isna some sort o’ game; it’s a gift and ya never know how much it’s worth until it’s taken from ya.”

“Thank you for sharing your story, Mungojerrie.” Deirdre’s voice was hesitant, soft. She went towards Morgan and rubbed against him. “We have to talk.”

He nodded, an unspoken question in his eyes. “Will you be alright?” he asked the elder tom who simply closed his eyes, wearily.

The two cats strolled a few paces away and when Morgan would have spoken, Deirdre put her paw on his lips. “He saw us last night and he heard what I said.”

“I doesn’t matter, Deirdre. I told you and I know you care for me.”

“I don’t want us to end like my parents.”

“They tried it.”

“They aren’t really happy.”

“What makes you think that? And why wouldn’t we make it? We’re not like them.”

“I’m afraid, Morgan.”

“So am I. All the more reason to persevere.“

“Take a chance with me then?”

In response, the black tom nuzzled her affectionately, twining his tail with hers. They sat together the whole morning, delighting in the last rays of the dying summer sun until Munkustrap’s call bade them come to the opening of the Jellicle Ball.

The merriment was subdued this year, as if Mungojerrie’s story had sparked a recognition and a melancholy remembrance of things past. No cat was sitting alone that night and the couples were keeping closer together than usual.

Deirdre noticed, with quiet surprise, that her parents did not once seem to argue; they huddled together, lost in a mumbled conversation, oblivious to the rest of the world around them. And she and Morgan were dancing through the night, content to know that they would share their life from now on, living in the moment and drinking in the joy of their love.

~*~

Mungojerrie lay alone, cuddled in his rug, the one he and Teazer had found so many years ago, the only possession he had kept close over the years.

No longer crying, the dark eyes were fixed on the full moon in a silent plea as the night air was alive with happy whispers.

Suddenly, he heard a giggle, ringing in his ears, a sound he had not heard for many years yet never forgotten.

And then there was the rustling and shuffling of paws on the ground as someone came towards him, hidden in the shadows and there was the joyous giggle again, mischief and affection mingling with a clear voice.

“Teazer?” He almost choked as he whispered it and raised his shrugging head,  as the dim outline stepped hesitantly towards him onto the rug.

She moved forward, into the pale light, the milky haze of the moon reflecting on her brightly colored fur. “I’ve come ta take ya ‘ome with me, Jerrie.”

She held out her paw to him and he reached out, drawing back again and looking at her, afraid that she was another vision, a dream brought about by his memories to pass away and leave him aching and alone come morning.

She giggled again, a sound that burned through him, driving the empty chill from his body and whispered, “I’m real, ya lazy bone; come with me!”

And once again she offered him her paw, and this time he drew nearer, so near he was almost touching her nose with his as he laid his own paw into hers. Her fur was warm and it brushed softly against his as she nuzzled him affectionately.

“Always, remember?” she said, gently pulling him closer and he buried his head in her neck, deeply breathing in her scent, clinging to her.

“Always.” He answered and a weight was suddenly lifted from him and he felt complete for the first time since she had left him as he floated on the breeze, oblivious to its chill, surrounded by her love and save in the circle of her paws.


The End.

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